By Jose Alejandro Mendoza
At age 41, I’m what’s known as a non-traditional—or post-traditional—student.
Specifically, I’m a first-generation, first-year transfer student at UC Santa Barbara. I’m a Promise Scholar double majoring in Film & Media Studies and Communication, also pursuing the Professional Writing Minor’s Multimedia track.
It took me 22 years of work to get here, contending with speed bumps I didn’t just hit, but collapsed over. Each time I stood back up, I said: “Just get to a university. “ Now I’m surrounded by students who speak of internships and grad school like foregone conclusions. I feel I don’t quite belong, because I failed to meet society’s benchmarks on schedule.
And I’m not alone. In 2021, the American Council on Education reported that non-traditional students over age 24—often balancing work, caregiving, or both—make up nearly 60% of undergraduates across the country.
UCSB Writing and Communication student Jose Alejandro Mendoza, center, as Robert Renfield in Cuesta College’s 2014 production of Dracula, with (back row: left to right) Chris Camus, Brandon Pascal, and Christina Malloy.
In community college, no one cared about age. We were all starting over in some way. At UCSB, though, a sun-kissed campus where most students are half my age, I fear the silences, the glances, the hesitation, and that internal whisper: He’s old.
When I speak, my voice stumbles—too fast, too eager, too loud. I feel like I’m impersonating someone who earned this opportunity. I didn’t inherit the vocabulary of higher education, let alone the confidence it instills. That’s what happens when your immigrant father sells drugs for 17 years: any idea of confidence shatters, and mental health becomes collateral damage.
That lifelong tug-of-war between ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and depression shaped much of what delayed my arrival to UCSB. They’re permanent tenants from my past, so the struggle isn’t just academic, it’s internal, and it’s a daily effort to balance medication, therapy, diet, and exercise. Sure, it’s not fair, but such is life. So instead of starting with a degree and finding the world, I started with the world and sought its lessons.
Over the last 24 years, I’ve worked as a musician, filmmaker, performer, and writer. As a musician, I was part of a college wind ensemble that in 2010 performed at L.A.’s Walt Disney Concert Hall. I taught nationally competitive percussion groups from California to Wisconsin. That work opened a door to theater at Cuesta College in San Luis Obispo, where I landed a lead acting role with no experience, earning an Irene Ryan nomination in 2014. I went on to design sound for two of Cuesta’s Kennedy Center award-winning productions in 2016 and 2019.
UCSB undergraduate transfer student Jose Alejandro Mendoza, left, with Hancock College film professor Christopher Hite after winning the award for narrative at the college’s 2017 Film Festival in Santa Maria, California.
As a filmmaker, I earned top honors at the Allan Hancock College Film Festival in 2017 and 2018 in Santa Maria. As a journalist, I’ve spent the last 20 years interviewing everyone from UCSB alumnus DJ Steve Aoki to Olympic medalists Kelly Slater. I’ve failed, pivoted, adapted, and somehow, I’ve persisted against all odds.
Still, after two decades in creative fields, I find that I struggle with small talk here at UCSB. I’ve never been good at it, even with people my age. And now I carry the burden of not wanting to come off as a creep, a weirdo, or a man with something to prove. I exude a sense of urgency that stems from my particular truth: I don’t have the safety net of “someday,” and I didn’t choose the circumstances that held me back. Nonetheless, I refuse to be a victim.
I’m here because of my mother, a strong, resilient immigrant who became a U.S. citizen while raising three boys. I’m here for my nieces and nephews, so they see that failure isn’t permanent, and that late bloomers still bloom. A university degree won’t protect me from the inescapable pitfalls of life —including heartbreak. But it will acknowledge the path I took, with grit and grace, because of my age and experience, not despite it.
UCSB Film and Media Studies student Jose Alejandro Mendoza received the 2019 Kennedy Center award for Outstanding Sound Design for Ghost Ship, while at Cuesta College in San Luis Obispo.
It’s also important to say I haven’t done this alone. At UCSB, I’ve met faculty and staff who don’t see my age. They see my potential. Their mentorship matters more than they know, and I’m grateful.
I may never feel fully of this place, but I’m in it. Whether it’s through participating as an actor and sound technician in UCSB’s Naked Shakes production of Much Ado About Nothing, or by seeing dozens of my photographs reposted on the official UCSB Instagram account, or because of my recent nomination for the Outstanding Transfer Student Award, I’ve come to learn that my voice deserves to be heard in this space.
Not because I fit, but because I stayed. That decision matters. In moments when a younger peer asks for help, or opens up because I shared something first, I remember that life experience is a form of fluency, and I can’t be afraid to speak.
I don’t raise my hand to prove I’m the smartest guy in the room. My work ethic is visible, and if those efforts come across as cringeworthy—that’s cool. I’ve worked with more brilliant and generous UCSB students than dismissive ones. Their energy and support matter to me as well. And even though I’m older, I know there’s value in how they see the world.
It’s not a coincidence that more non-traditional students are choosing to pursue higher education. People like me represent the new face of college today, and every day I learn to embrace that with less shame, and more pride.
Jose Alejandro Mendoza is a Promise Scholar at UCSB, double majoring in Film & Media Studies and Communication and pursuing the Professional Writing Minor. He is a musician, sound designer, and storyteller who spent two decades making his way to a four-year university, and now refuses to waste a single moment. Mendoza wrote this personal essay for his Digital Journalism class.